One View of Biblical, In-Home Family Eldercare
One woman sat in a cluttered kitchen. Perched in her chair, she sang the last hymn from an online LCMS Divine service. After the completion of the service, her father entered the room. Cooking preparations and quiet conversation over a Sunday morning skillet of eggs began.
Moments later, behold! the entry of four teens and two children entered the kitchen and teemed towards the granola cereal bowls and scrambled egg skillet.
Nonna, battling a head cold, entered to hear the grandchildren in animated discussion of Dad’s funny antics on the drive home, church service uptown, the vicar’s wonderful message and soloist’s sweet voice. Now, grandson had a spill and fell into frustration having to clean up the floor. Grandpa and Nonna, standing in the shared, family living space finally broke for the double doors to their apartment, daughter calling out, “Wait just a second, Mom, Dad — your toast is ready.” “Thanks, Jenny,” They carried their plates of toast, buttered and warm towards their apartment in the front two rooms of the family farmhouse to a quieter existence.
In the past eldercare looked like this; older mothers and fathers living amongst their children and grandchildren. Why not today? Is a home-based model of eldercare feasible? Has God “baked-in” the desire of a grown daughter to offer the family team if at all possible? I confronted these questions a few years ago since retirement had coincided with an increasing need for physical support for my mom and dad.
What was the world saying about these questions? My personal feelings toward advocacy were assaulted by many other vocational callings and stirring cautions.
I had fears about the prospect of inviting my parents to live with us. Did I know how to tend the relationships with my husband and children in a change of lifestyle like this?
Christian friends in our circle were not doing this and when I mentioned the plans with a mom friend once, she chuckled ruefully, “Better you, than me!” Her natural reaction belied the constant messages our seniors and adult children are getting from media and the world. We are incentivized to relegate service and relationship matters to retirement and nursing homes in commercials and counselors at every turn. Told it is easier to institutionalize rather than than to face mom’s and dad’s challenges with them, we are tempted to live separately and hope for the best.
Eldercare professionals with vast facilities do help us. They provide the training and expertise our family members lack, and it is good to know they are there at the right time.
However, what does God’s Word and the example of our risen Lord say about questions of Eldercare? Through these first three years, the Lord, through His Word and Sacraments helped me consider what it would be like to live with Mom and Dad sharing our home. Fearing and trusting in Him day by day, also looking to His example of sacrifice in the Word- (particularly in the Gospel of John 19:25) was a process I truly needed and would not trade in retrospect.
Asking spouses about how they feel is a valuable barometer to review the dashboard; gauging the marriage, his/her own sense of timing, desires and personal vocations. Whichever course of action results from these moments, more conversations like this may deepen a married couple’s bonds.
Gratefully, I see that God says “Yes!” He has provided His children an opportunity to take stock in the most key relationships of our lives at exactly the most opportune time. We have the chance to consider our own lack of forgiveness over past wrongs and our own dimmed perspectives. His Holy Spirit leads us to reflect earnestly on the experiences of these most precious people, allowing the ripple effect of the good gifts of their lives to deepen the understanding of their grandchildren.
I am clumsy in honoring my mom and dad. But the gift of their proximity and kind willingness to cast off their independence for the cacophony of a life with us has been superior to the unfamiliarity and incompetence I felt when our relationship was two states away, managed solely by phone calls, and emails.
Thanks be to God for this new, onsite vocation. God has given me, by His grace, the gift of satisfaction from having my parents near. I enjoy their company tremendously, moreover I am able to, with God’s help, try to reflect Jesus’ words to Mom and Dad found in the Gospel of Matthew; “Lo, I am with you always, even to the ends of the earth.” (Matthew 28:20)
Sieking, Finding 